


Of Pygmy Puffs and Lingerie

by CanadianHogwarts



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fluff without Plot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-31
Updated: 2016-12-31
Packaged: 2018-09-13 14:00:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9126841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanadianHogwarts/pseuds/CanadianHogwarts
Summary: Teddy Lupin has a problem. An embarrassing problem. A birds and the bees problem. Luckily he's thought up a solution.





	

George Weasley stacked boxes in a dim corner of his Hogsmede shop. The first Hogsmede weekend of the school year was fast approaching, and that, coupled with his determined avoidance of his wife, had ended in the owner of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes doing all the menial tasks he could think of for as long as possible. No matter how many times Angelina insisted, there was no way he was taking the twins to get new robes if he could help it. They were holy terrors. Even though she was only six years old, Roxanne had turned him completely blue on three separate occasions this week. And Freddie was even worse than she was. Honestly, he had no idea where they got it from. Sometimes he almost felt sorry for his mother, having to raise twins plus another five rambunctious children to boot. Almost. After all, nobody had forced her to have seven red-headed horrors. George shied away from the very idea. Two was more than enough.   
The Broken Winged Snitches' newest single blared from the wireless as he worked, and so George didn't hear the door honk (surprisingly, Percy's idea: it made a different, equally irritating noise every time a new person entered the shop). It was only when the late afternoon light disappeared that George noticed that he was not alone. He scrambled up from among the boxes, accidentally knocking over a cage of Pygmy Puffs who scattered everywhere, chattering loudly. Teddy Lupin stood awkwardly at the end of the row, weight on one hip, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his school robes.  
'Ted! What are you doing here?' exclaimed George. Teddy looked rather guilty.'Er- don't you have class?' George's mind raced, trying to figure out whether or not he had missed tea again. That would be a shame. Angelina may have been irritated with him, but she was still a fantastic cook, and she agreed with his mother that he needed fattening up (privately George disagreed, especially with the dismaying emergence of an unfortunately shaped belly around his thirtieth birthday, but he wasn't about to complain about the abundance of éclairs and fry-ups).  
'Herbology was canceled,' replied Teddy. 'Something went wrong in one of the sixth year classes and Greenhouse three was destroyed again. Professor Longbottom doesn't want anyone going anywhere near the wreckage just in case the Venomous Tentacula wakes up again.'  
'Right,' said George. He wasn't quite sure what to do. Teddy too seemed to be at a loss. 'Er-Canary Cream?' he offered, for lack of anything to say. Teddy shook his head.  
'Victoire told me you put Doxie eggs in them.' George snorted.   
'I most certainly do not. They're only in the Puking Pastilles and the Songbird Spray.' Teddy rolled his eyes in a typical teenaged fashion.  
'Still, no thanks. I don't much fancy turning into a bird on my walk back.' Silence descended once again. George pulled out his wand and waved it at the pink and purple balls of fluff squealing about on the floor. The Pygmy Puffs flew back into the cage. Teddy watched and then cleared his throat.   
'Right,' George said, finally. 'What's all this about then. Not that I don't like spending time with you Ted, but I doubt you popped by just to say hello when you could be gallivanting about the castle, causing all sorts of trouble for Neville and the rest.'   
'Okay,' said Ted, taking a deep breath and looking very red in the face. The ends of his hair were slowly turning pink. 'Okay. You're right. I wanted to talk to you about...something.'   
'Right.' Said George again. 'I gathered.' Teddy fixed his eyes on the shelf of the new Boy-Who-Lived Lingerie (You'll be his Chosen One in no time) and swallowed nervously. George followed his gaze amusedly.   
'Teddy Lupin. Are you asking me to give you the Talk?' Teddy said nothing, but kept his eyes fixed on the lightening-scar covered bras as his hair turned a deep crimson to match his face. A mixture of amusement and horror trickled own into George's stomach. 'Merlin's bollocks, you are, aren't you. I'm that uncle.'   
'You're the only person I could think of to ask,' snapped Teddy. 'I'm not about to ask Gran, and when I tried to ask Harry about... it... he didn't understand what I was talking about and ended up buying me an owl. Which I'm not complaining about. But still...' He looked absolutely mortified, and George couldn't help grinning.   
'What do you want to know about sex for,' he asked. 'You're thirteen.' Teddy's eyes widened dramatically at the word sex and it looked as if he had broken into a sweat.   
'I'm not going to do anything.' he said. 'The only girl with any sense that I know is Toire, and she's Victoire, so that's gross. I just want to know. Just for... just because.' He looked as if he wanted to throw up, or bolt. The sight was so pathetic and the situation so ridiculous that George took pity on him.  
'All right, Ted. Take a seat. No not there, unless you'd like your arse to turn into a dragon's tail for a week or so. There you are. Okay. First, you aren't to breathe a word of the Boy-Who-Lived lingerie line to your godfather until it's too late. Understood?' George paused and Teddy nodded fervently, looking relieved that George hadn't laughed him out of the shop. Poor bloke, thought George. At least he didn't go to Neville. 'Right. Rule number one about sex. If you can't say the word, don't do the deed.'  
Three hours later Angelina flooed into the Hogsmede branch of Weasleys Wizard Wheezes to find her husband beaming and waving at a shell shocked Teddy, who was weighed down with a very wide variety of merchandise.   
'What in Merlin's name have you been doing?' she asked.  
'I've just done my good deed of the day,' George replied cheerily. 'Possibly of the year. Unfortunately Ted's visit has put me behind in my schedule, so you'll have to take the kids to get their robes. I'm just swamped, love.'


End file.
